Having a Family Talk About Suicide and Mental Health
One in five of us will experience a mental health issue over the course of our life, and, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), one in five of us will be affected by suicide.
Whether it’s a parent, a sibling, or a close friend who is struggling, the whole family is also impacted, and children especially will have questions and concerns about the situation.
It’s important to remember that while the presence of a mental health condition may contribute to increased suicide risk, the majority of people who live with mental health conditions will not die by suicide. Yet mental health and suicide prevention experts both recommend the same policy – talk about it. Open discussion and conversation about mental health and suicide not only reduces the stigma for the individual but also helps educate their support circle and promote healing for all.
Are you ready for a conversation? Could you talk about suicide with your young child? Do you know what to ask of your teen if you worry about their mental health?
Marriage and family therapist Dr. Keith Klostermann has advice for parents and guardians of younger children. He told us, “The decision to discuss suicide – and mental health – with a child is complex and should always be approached with sensitivity. It often depends on the child’s maturity, understanding, and exposure to the topic.”
He offers some general guidelines for talking to children following a death or an attempt by a family member, classmate, or even a public figure. “Address the situation honestly and age-appropriately.” You know your child’s maturity level, tailor the conversation to his or her understanding and avoid overwhelming them with too many details.
“Children will often bring up questions about death or sadness. This can be a natural starting point for the conversation.” Let the child guide the conversation and allow them to express their feelings without judgment.
Dr. Klostermann acknowledges that discussions about mental health and suicide are not natural dinner table talk. Preparation comes from consistently being “in the moment” with family and loved ones. A pattern of listening to what they say, asking questions and being actively involved and responsive makes it easier to detect when something is “off,” and builds trust that you care and are invested in the long run. “Being the person that your partner or kids can come to and feel safe.”
This is especially true when talking to older children and teens. “It’s hard for parents,” admits Dr. Klostermann. “You can know the right things to say and say the right things, but your kid will ‘hear’ something different.” He likens it to “coming alongside” your teen for a conversation instead of face-to-face. “Face-to-face conversations can end up feeling confrontational, like you’re telling them what to do, as opposed to being on the journey with them.”
If you do a bad job, if the conversation veers off course and your intentions are lost, Dr. Klostermann reminds us that kids learn more from how we behave than what we tell them. So be honest. Admit that you didn’t do a good job of expressing your concerns and try again, holding back emotions and judgment.
Building trust takes time, but you can do it.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Therapists or counselors can offer guidance and coping strategies for the child and the family as a whole. Note that when a child or other family member expresses feelings of hopelessness or talks about wanting to die, it’s crucial to seek help immediately. Call or text 988 to speak with a mental health professional 24/7. You can also call or text 741741 for professional assistance.
